I. Am. Lost.
Maybe moving forward involves going backwards.....
The last few days of being back in London (from a short trip to Minnesota to see friends and family over my birthday weekend) have made me realize that maybe I am in the wrong place at the wrong time.
How to make sense of this eludes me at the moment though. I mean, if I am here in London, why then is it not working out for me? What am I doing wrong?
I feel like I am being given signs to go back to Colorado-to start over back there, where I can take photos of boarders and skiers, of which I love doing! And from there to rebuild what I want to do, or at least figure something else out in an environment that gives me great inspiration.
Traveling excited me....and it still does! So much! But what I imagine seems to be different than the reality....of course it could be my current state of mind effecting the way I see things right now. I mean I am in Sicily, Italy, a place I never imagined I would be at this time in my life, but the excitement wears down to...shoot, I don't know; loneliness, sadness, frustration, etc.
So now to reflect and reevaluate to figure out what my next path will be. This path seems to have dead ends so far in many different ways; superficial friends, unkept promises, untold truths, hidden meanings, misunderstandings and misfortunes.
To fix the damage that has been done I need to restart...somewhere, whether here in London or back in Colorado, but I have to find a way soon before I go crazy, because right now my mind is swimming so darn much and I can't find a shore, or relief of any kind, to catch a breath.
Any ideas and input would be much appreciated. I already know my family would love to see me in Colorado, haha, as they feel it's at least a little bit closer to them. Aside from that, I still have reservations on if it's the right time to leave London-I mean I gave up so much to come here (including the love of my life-Captain) and I am not sure I can give it up just yet, but at the same time this city, and the current job, is draining me. If only I could find the stable photography or journalism job I started out to find, but yet is that what I really want as well?
After I get back from this beautiful holiday in Sicily, I am determined to find out and to try just a little harder to see what I can find in London journalism-wise, otherwise I may have to face that it's just time for me to take a step back and work towards traveling this way again....I will not give up my travels, but I don't think this is the way I wanted it to be to begin with, so maybe I need to see the world through another path.
