Since my last post I have been doing a lot! Like, well, A LOT!
I've been to Minneapolis quite a lot, keeping myself busy with friends, events and whatever else is around. Stayed with one of my best friends for a couple nights, looked and applied for jobs there and went out to clubs with my girls for some much needed dancing and letting loose. Then I went home for a night, then got the chance to go to an international Red Bull event called Crashed Ice in St. Paul to take pictures! It was crazy awesome! You can see some of my pics HERE
I got access to the media viewing areas, which were in great spots for photos, though some of the other media people got in my way at times. I was able to attend the press conference with the 3 winners and the rookie winner, which was pretty awesome, and I was invited to the after party-crazy fun!!
From there I went to that After Party with some friends and the parties went til 5:30am....haven't done that in a long time! But it was a blast!
Getting to my point though-the next day I reconnected with one of my cousins, whom I hadn't seen for several years. He is studying political science at Bethel University and we didn't run out of things to talk about. During the conversation he told me about a friend of his that is planning on just taking all his money and moving to London to look for a job.
This got me thinking-why the hell not? This is the perfect time in my life to try it!!!! I have my degree, I have no obligations to stay here and I have some money saved up to afford a ticket. I have a couple friends that live there that can hopefully help me out a little and I've been wanting to travel like crazy, so why not?!?!?!?! The hour and a half I drove home after we hung out I thought about all the possibilities, the negatives and the positives and all I could do was smile! It's perfect! I could sell most of my possessions for a little extra cash, store the ones I really want to keep, pack a bag or two, grab my dog and go!
I'm doing my research, don't worry! I will need to get some things set up with my dog for him to be able to go and I will need to tie up some loose ends here before I can go, but it's a realistic goal I think!
If I don't at least try then I will just keep kicking myself later on, and this is a chance in a lifetime-to travel somewhere in Europe, to do photography, to experience life! I can't think of a real good reason not to do it! Life is too short not to live the way I want to, and this is something I know in my heart that I want to do!
I do have an opportunity to interview for a job at a newspaper in Oklahoma, which is a great opportunity! But I don't think I should now that I have the chance and the idea to go to London.....I may still drive down for the interview to see how I feel about it when I'm there, but I'm going to work towards getting to London soon. My goal would be to go in about a month and a half....
I would greatly appreciate any opinions, thoughts, ideas or words you may have for me friends, so please comment or message me.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
strength.
I have to stay strong.
At least that's what I'm told. And I want to stay strong so very much, but yet I have my weak days, like yesterday. I had barely been back from Colorado for a day and I have a weak day.
Enough is enough though right? I know this will happen. Good days, then bad days, and then the bad will eventually fade away over time. But it's just so hard when I see that he is doing just fine, that nothing fazes him.
Yuck-how can someone be like that? Just to be able to turn their emotions off completely and become utterly selfish? I'm not ok with selfish, and I have mentioned before how relationships are give and take which makes it work. So I don't want to be with a selfish person, or an unemotional one at that. And yet part of me wants things to go back to how they were, it still doesn't want to give up on the life we had and the dreams we shared and created.....
I'm going to be strong because I know I will get through this a better person. Colorado helped spur me into some motivation and inspiration again, so I will try to hold onto that.
I have an opportunity to possibly get a job at the local newspaper. I was saying in another post how I feel stuck in this place and how I would like to get out, but how can I pass up such a great opportunity? I could try for it and if I get it then I could keep looking for other journalism jobs and see what happens, but the bad thing is I will have to see him around. Even if it's not physically, I will still see the memories more clearly, the people we made friends with, or even see him with someone new. These things might tear me apart and I don't know if I can handle them.
Being strong has always been a part of my childhood, and yet I feel it crumbling away sometimes-all the work I put towards being a strong, independent woman is fading slowly. I know I won't ever lose it all completely, but I don't know how to keep it either.
My friends are amazing. They are helping me through things and being there for me in many ways. Many know their words won't really help, but just being around them helps, at least in the distraction area. I have been doing many things to distract myself, maybe not all healthy, but I'm learning.
Today has been a better day. I applied for more jobs, many including magazine positions in New York City, which would be a fun place to be located at for a while. I feel slightly hopeful at the idea of getting somewhere with my new career.
So here's to Strength and to staying motivated!!!
P.S. Thanks for reading-it helps to get this all out in some way and knowing I have friends watching over me is comforting.
At least that's what I'm told. And I want to stay strong so very much, but yet I have my weak days, like yesterday. I had barely been back from Colorado for a day and I have a weak day.
Enough is enough though right? I know this will happen. Good days, then bad days, and then the bad will eventually fade away over time. But it's just so hard when I see that he is doing just fine, that nothing fazes him.
Yuck-how can someone be like that? Just to be able to turn their emotions off completely and become utterly selfish? I'm not ok with selfish, and I have mentioned before how relationships are give and take which makes it work. So I don't want to be with a selfish person, or an unemotional one at that. And yet part of me wants things to go back to how they were, it still doesn't want to give up on the life we had and the dreams we shared and created.....
I'm going to be strong because I know I will get through this a better person. Colorado helped spur me into some motivation and inspiration again, so I will try to hold onto that.
I have an opportunity to possibly get a job at the local newspaper. I was saying in another post how I feel stuck in this place and how I would like to get out, but how can I pass up such a great opportunity? I could try for it and if I get it then I could keep looking for other journalism jobs and see what happens, but the bad thing is I will have to see him around. Even if it's not physically, I will still see the memories more clearly, the people we made friends with, or even see him with someone new. These things might tear me apart and I don't know if I can handle them.
Being strong has always been a part of my childhood, and yet I feel it crumbling away sometimes-all the work I put towards being a strong, independent woman is fading slowly. I know I won't ever lose it all completely, but I don't know how to keep it either.
My friends are amazing. They are helping me through things and being there for me in many ways. Many know their words won't really help, but just being around them helps, at least in the distraction area. I have been doing many things to distract myself, maybe not all healthy, but I'm learning.
Today has been a better day. I applied for more jobs, many including magazine positions in New York City, which would be a fun place to be located at for a while. I feel slightly hopeful at the idea of getting somewhere with my new career.
So here's to Strength and to staying motivated!!!
P.S. Thanks for reading-it helps to get this all out in some way and knowing I have friends watching over me is comforting.
Monday, January 2, 2012
dreams.
I've been in Colorado since Friday now, and it's amazing! I love waking up to the mountains, driving through them and snowboarding on them. I definitely missed this place and I am having a lot of fun! The mountains are like a blank canvas and I don't even know where to start with taking pictures. I was at Beaver Creek resort yesterday and took some of a creek bed and the village-I was too nervous to bring my camera up the mountain since it has been two years since I rode on a real mountain. I feel inspired and free here in a different way than in Minnesota. I feel like I am a different person here, a better me in a way. I feel more open and happy, and like the world is at my fingertips, like I can do anything.
But there's still something missing. I love the memories of when I was here two years ago-the people I met, the experiences, the atmosphere, and yet there are sad memories as well. I knew they would come and I was ready to face them, but it didn't make it any easier. It made me miss some things-the way we were, or rather the way I was, the good and the bad, which made me a better person and I feel like that person may have disappeared some when I went back to Minnesota.
The last two nights I've had dreams. Dreams, more like nightmares, I've had before within the last year that were along the same context. Now I feel like maybe they were there to tell me how things would really be....I listened to the song in the spot I used to always listen to it-between Frisco and Copper Mountain...it always reached me somehow so I felt like it was needed. Sorry I am being vague with the dreams and the song, but I don't feel like I need to go into details with them because they really are not that important and I know what they mean....well at least I am trying to decipher them and figure out their meanings.
I am finding myself again and I am happy, there is no doubt about that, but I have realized I am very much a relationship person. And there is nothing wrong with that! Even though I have been told (by few mind you, and many I have talked to do not agree) I should be able to separate myself from my relationships. This doesn't make sense to me because if you are in a relationship you have to give up parts of yourself to be with that person, to make them happy and in turn to make you happy. If something is going bad in a relationship, then it shuffles over to your whole life as well, there is no way to separate these-at least I wouldn't want to. I want to share my experiences and my life with someone and there is nothing wrong with that.
Even though I am a relationship person, I will not settle. I want to make sure I feel that spark, that connection and I want to be with someone that shares similar dreams and aspirations with me. They are big and it may take a while, but I will try to be patient. Also, I will not lead anyone on by trying to be straight and honest with them...it's just not fair to others and, like I said, I won't settle.
So here I am in Colorado...figuring myself out and living life! I can't wait to see what happens!
But there's still something missing. I love the memories of when I was here two years ago-the people I met, the experiences, the atmosphere, and yet there are sad memories as well. I knew they would come and I was ready to face them, but it didn't make it any easier. It made me miss some things-the way we were, or rather the way I was, the good and the bad, which made me a better person and I feel like that person may have disappeared some when I went back to Minnesota.
The last two nights I've had dreams. Dreams, more like nightmares, I've had before within the last year that were along the same context. Now I feel like maybe they were there to tell me how things would really be....I listened to the song in the spot I used to always listen to it-between Frisco and Copper Mountain...it always reached me somehow so I felt like it was needed. Sorry I am being vague with the dreams and the song, but I don't feel like I need to go into details with them because they really are not that important and I know what they mean....well at least I am trying to decipher them and figure out their meanings.
I am finding myself again and I am happy, there is no doubt about that, but I have realized I am very much a relationship person. And there is nothing wrong with that! Even though I have been told (by few mind you, and many I have talked to do not agree) I should be able to separate myself from my relationships. This doesn't make sense to me because if you are in a relationship you have to give up parts of yourself to be with that person, to make them happy and in turn to make you happy. If something is going bad in a relationship, then it shuffles over to your whole life as well, there is no way to separate these-at least I wouldn't want to. I want to share my experiences and my life with someone and there is nothing wrong with that.
Even though I am a relationship person, I will not settle. I want to make sure I feel that spark, that connection and I want to be with someone that shares similar dreams and aspirations with me. They are big and it may take a while, but I will try to be patient. Also, I will not lead anyone on by trying to be straight and honest with them...it's just not fair to others and, like I said, I won't settle.
So here I am in Colorado...figuring myself out and living life! I can't wait to see what happens!
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