dreams.

I've been in Colorado since Friday now, and it's amazing! I love waking up to the mountains, driving through them and snowboarding on them. I definitely missed this place and I am having a lot of fun! The mountains are like a blank canvas and I don't even know where to start with taking pictures. I was at Beaver Creek resort yesterday and took some of a creek bed and the village-I was too nervous to bring my camera up the mountain since it has been two years since I rode on a real mountain. I feel inspired and free here in a different way than in Minnesota. I feel like I am a different person here, a better me in a way. I feel more open and happy, and like the world is at my fingertips, like I can do anything.

But there's still something missing. I love the memories of when I was here two years ago-the people I met, the experiences, the atmosphere, and yet there are sad memories as well. I knew they would come and I was ready to face them, but it didn't make it any easier. It made me miss some things-the way we were, or rather the way I was, the good and the bad, which made me a better person and I feel like that person may have disappeared some when I went back to Minnesota.

The last two nights I've had dreams. Dreams, more like nightmares, I've had before within the last year that were along the same context. Now I feel like maybe they were there to tell me how things would really be....I listened to the song in the spot I used to always listen to it-between Frisco and Copper Mountain...it always reached me somehow so I felt like it was needed. Sorry I am being vague with the dreams and the song, but I don't feel like I need to go into details with them because they really are not that important and I know what they mean....well at least I am trying to decipher them and figure out their meanings.

I am finding myself again and I am happy, there is no doubt about that, but I have realized I am very much a relationship person. And there is nothing wrong with that! Even though I have been told (by few mind you, and many I have talked to do not agree) I should be able to separate myself from my relationships. This doesn't make sense to me because if you are in a relationship you have to give up parts of yourself to be with that person, to make them happy and in turn to make you happy. If something is going bad in a relationship, then it shuffles over to your whole life as well, there is no way to separate these-at least I wouldn't want to. I want to share my experiences and my life with someone and there is nothing wrong with that.

Even though I am a relationship person, I will not settle. I want to make sure I feel that spark, that connection and I want to be with someone that shares similar dreams and aspirations with me. They are big and it may take a while, but I will try to be patient. Also, I will not lead anyone on by trying to be straight and honest with them...it's just not fair to others and, like I said, I won't settle.

So here I am in Colorado...figuring myself out and living life! I can't wait to see what happens!