reliance.

I can only rely on myself and trust in myself. Anything else just sets me up for disaster and disappointment and haven't I had enough of that in my life so far?? (I know I am still young, but hell I still feel like I have been through a shitload of shit, haha)

For once I am trying to live my life for myself, but people still have a way of digging in a little bit. Which should be fine except for the fact I can't trust anyone beyond a certain point and that trust takes so long to build and only a fraction of a second to destroy...

So once again, thanks to life and reality for once again showing me that my current walls are there to protect me.

Honestly, my mother should be so damn proud because I am truly amazed that I have not resorted to smoking, drugs, self-harm or other such things to drown my sorrows in. Instead I work, read and I watch TV shows to distract my mind in any possible way I can so that I don't go crazy with all the thoughts swimming through the (possible) depths of my 'Tara' brain.

Maybe my version of these addictions are not letting people get too close to me (refer to last blog post) and it's my own way of harming myself. Yet it protects me at the same time so that I don't get hurt in my current fragile state.

All I know is I'm realizing these walls are just getting thicker and it's going to take a pretty strong and patient person to knock them down.

Until that happens I will enjoy the life I have, the places I am seeing and the people I am meeting and I will do whatever I can to take any adventure that comes my way.